Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize