Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
