you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
