I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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