When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
