oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize