Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
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