I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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