Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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