I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
