How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
