As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
