Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Randomize
