I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize