it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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