he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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