turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
