I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
