I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
