You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
