Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
