you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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