Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
This is my gift to your gina
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
