Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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