Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
