Who wears a wallet chain?!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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