I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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