Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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