he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize