I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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