the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
