I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
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