mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
sarcasm needs its own font
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
