btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
