my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
