My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize