I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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