You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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