So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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