dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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