I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
sex in a hospital.. check
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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