heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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