my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
