My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
