Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
