He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
