Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
