Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
