Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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