you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
