About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize