in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
