All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
