my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
