worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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