My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
