please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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