So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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