there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize