i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
