You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
