Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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