Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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