Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
