look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
