I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
