I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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