Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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