you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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